I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
