Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
