the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
