"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
