i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
