Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
