He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
