better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
