listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
