Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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