Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
