Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
