I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
