those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
