i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
