im about as happy as oj after his trial
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
