i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
