so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
