noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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