looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
