I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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