apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
