Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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