I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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