just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
