she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
