i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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