next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think people are normalizing furries
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
