you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
