Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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