just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
