What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
