it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
