So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
