Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
