I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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