i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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