Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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