i just wanna soil my oats bro
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
