So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
