i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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