i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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