If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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