I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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