apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
