you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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