I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
