stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
