I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
