There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
