She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
