i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I love having hate sex.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
